Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
