Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
