Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
