why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
