I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
