come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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