I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize