I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
