Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
