This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
