Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
