I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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