Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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