You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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