Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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