I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
