I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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