Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Too much gin, very little bucket
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
