so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
