We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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