I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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