awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
