he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize