Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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