Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
