pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
