I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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