Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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