Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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