I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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