I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
