that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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