I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
