How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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