and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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