I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize