Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
