ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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