I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
