we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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