But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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