How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
