I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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