"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
