So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
