Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
