The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
