walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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