I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
