I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
