that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
