The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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