I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
