So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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