I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
