she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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