My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You don't make any sense
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