Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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