were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize