I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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