My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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