Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
