I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
