Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize