Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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