3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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