I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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