Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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