in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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