I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
