Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
