How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
