just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
